Despicable Guidance
by ayushi
Summary: [AU] A violence oriented Gym Instructor, the stoic and emotionless Math teacher, the overly dedicated Science teacher, a history teacher who dreams of World Domination and of course the infamous Guidance Counsellor who's out to ruin the student's lives. That's Karakura High for you. [Drabble Series] [HIATUS]
1. Guidance 1

A/N: So this is a special request by **chibi-yachiru-chan** and you guys should just go read her awesome stories and thank her for putting this idea in my head.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. I do however own the concept of that Pamphlet.

Despicable Guidance #1

**Place: **The Guidance Counselor's Room, Karakura High

**Occupants:** Ishida Uryū (Class 3-A, Student Council President), Ichimaru Gin (Guidance Counsellor)

**Time: **16:05 PM

The younger male cleared his throat loudly, hoping to catch his teacher's attention. Ishida Uryū very well knew he was being purposefully ignored by the man sitting across him, making paper planes. His Guidance Counsellor was busy making _paper planes_. Well of course this annoyed President Uryū to no extent and the snarky teenager decided to sit quietly until he was properly addressed to. It was a match really. A match to see who will give in first and it had already wasted a valuable half an hour of after school time for both the parties.

Eventually, being the bigger person, Ichimaru Gin decided to actually do his job. He started out in a dull and monotonous tone, "Did something go wrong in your life recently, Seito kaichō-san?" The triumphant student opened his mouth to answer but was stopped short as the teacher continued, "Apart from your face, but that's always been like that hasn't it?"

The Seito kaichō-san in question was utterly flabbergasted by his teacher's words. The smug look was wiped off his face and he adjusted his spectacles to hide his embarrassment. He cleared his throat yet again and began the negotiation, "I'm here to request that you hold a session with the head of our Science department, Kurotsuchi-sensei."

There was no response.

Uryū continued, "Some very valuable sources have informed me that the said teacher passed out some experimental drugs to the first years, treating them like his specimens."

A long and drawn out yawn was all Uryū was rewarded with.

"I believe that Kurotsuchi-sensei has been taking his job a little too seriously and as the Student Council President I would recommend that you, the guidance counsellor, should talk to him and make him understand that the school pays him to teach and not to pass unsupervised drugs to children."

With the huge sarcastic grin never leaving his face, Gin faced his student and asked, "Have you received any complaints regarding his teaching methods?"

"No, I haven't."

"Has he not been following the course devised by the school?"

"He has been following it thoroughly."

"Has he been teaching the subject poorly?"

"No he hasn't."

"Have the students complained about these so-called drugs?"

"No they haven't."

"Then _I_ believe, Seito kaichō-san that your only complaint is that Kurotsuchi-sensei is only _encouraging_ the subject he so dearly loves and that too in an _absolutely_ student-friendly manner."

The Seito kaichō-san adjusted his spectacles once more as he was clearly at a loss of words.

The Counsellor swirled in his chair a little before he pulled open his desk drawer and took out a pamphlet and handed it to his student, "Seito kaichō-san, there are a lot of children in this world who do not and probably will never have the privilege to be taught by a Science teacher as good as Kurotsuchi-sensei. I think you should go through the pamphlet very carefully and re-evaluate your life choices."

Ishida Uryū very reluctantly picked up the pamphlet and swiftly ran his eyes over the big words etched across the front. Thankfully the light shining on his glasses hid the murderous intent flashing through his eyes. He got up stiffly and exited the room without looking back.

"Seito kaichō-san! This is perfect for you!" Gin waved the pamphlet in the air, calling out to the already retreating teen.

The Counsellor chuckled to himself, satisfied with the day's work he read aloud the heading of the pamphlet, "The World Does Not Revolve Around You – A Helping Guide for Rich Boys. It's one of my personal favourites and just so perfect for Seito kaichō-san."

-x-

**A/N:** Reviews are always appreciated. I know you guys want to let Gin know that he's an awesome counsellor XD The next part should be up soon since I have a lot of ideas brewing in my head and A LOT of free time.


	2. Guidance 2

A/N: So yeah this is a very fast update but it's because I couldn't get the idea out of my head. This instalment has implied IchiRuki, so I hope you guys don't mind!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Despicable Guidance #2

**Place: **The Guidance Counselor's Room, Karakura High

**Occupants:** Kurosaki Ichigo (Class 3-A), Grimmjow Jagerjacques (Class 3-C), Ichimaru Gin (Guidance Counsellor)

**Time: **13:30 PM

"You know what I was doing before you two were sent in?"

The two teens being questioned shook their head, neither uttering a word.

"Enjoying a peaceful nap." The Counsellor paused to stifle a yawn and then continued, "So whatever this is," He gestured towards the two students sitting across him, "It better be just as fun."

The two students, needless to say, were a little confused by their teacher's statement. It was a mutual decision to stay quite since neither of them wanted to be there in the first place. They thought they were being so smart by staying silent because if they had nothing to say they would simply be sent back. Right?

_Wrong. _

"Hmm. So you were sent in here by Ukitake-sensei, am I correct?"

The two boys nodded simultaneously.

"Why?"

They remained silent.

And so did Gin. For a while he just observed their faces, making them squirm uncomfortably under his gaze. He mulled over a few thoughts in his head and if it was possible, the smile on his face widened a little more as he opened his mouth to speak, "Well then if you little shits ain't gonna say nothing, I might as well come up with my own theory." The glee was evident in his voice and the two students contemplated whether their plan had been such a great idea after all but nevertheless they remained silent.

"Let's see, it says here on the note that Ukitake-chan caught you two doing _unspeakable_ things to each other."

The boys faces paled slightly.

"Oh don't worry. The world is changing and adapting, we accept all kinds of loves now."

The boys looked completely aghast.

"Going by the bruises on your faces, I guess you guys got a little too friendly? I mean I'm all for Gay rights but any kind of sexual activity is prohibited on school grounds ya'know? And I didn't know kids these days liked it so rough. And on top of that you let a teacher walk in on you-"

"We were fighting!" Shouted the orange haired teen before the Counsellor could go any further. His aqua haired companion nodded furiously.

"We were fighting! Like kicking-"

"-and punching-"

"-and hitting-"

"and fighting!"

"We were _fighting_ for god's sake!"

It was hard to tell if Gin was amused or not with the wide smile never leaving his face, "Denial is one of the most difficult phases of-"

"I have a _girlfriend._" Ichigo spat out angrily.

"You should let her down gently." Gin smiled at him, "I actually have some pamphlets that might be able to help you deal with-"

"I am not gay! We were _fighting._" Ichigo cried out.

"I was about to hit this shitty-"

"Language, Grimmjow-chan, language." Gin shook his head.

"But you just called us little shits a few minutes ago!" Grimmjow retorted through gritted teeth.

"I'm the teacher hence, I make the rules." Gin motioned for the boy to continue.

"I was about to hit my _fellow schoolmate_ with a desk when Ukitake-sensei walked in. That's all that happened."

Both the boys cringed at the thought of being any types of mates and shot each other looks of disgust and hatred, Gin however found it very funny.

"So maybe Grimmjow-chan has feelings for Ichigo but Ichigo over here is in denial and that's why you were trying to beat some sense in him. Pun intended."

The boys stared at him with a look of utter horror etched on their faces. A few moments passed as Gin swivelled his chair around and the two teens sat there, too shocked to move. They had heard rumours about the Counsellor being an asshole but this surpassed those stories. Being mocked by him in person was a completely different experience that could not be put into words. Slowly Ichigo got up from his seat, forced himself to bow slightly and after sending one last hateful look towards Grimmjow, he silently exited the room.

"You know Grimmjow-chan, I have some pamphlets that will help you deal with a one-sided love…" Gin trailed off as he reached for the desk drawer but was stopped short by Grimmjow banging his hands on the table and leaning in towards the teacher. The threatening look on the student's face made Gin pull back a little.

"_No pamphlets_." Grimmjow hissed.

"No pamphlets." Gin repeated, chuckling slightly as he put his hands in the air to show that he had surrendered. Grimmjow continued to glare at the older man for a few minutes, obviously trying to decide whether he should attack his teacher or not. Finally settling with the latter he left the office and Gin let out a relieved sigh.

"Clearly I and Ukitake-chan have really different definitions of unspeakable things."

-x-

**A/N:** Gin sure does his job properly XD

_**forever122**_: Why thank you for suggesting that Toshiro come in for guidance, I'm going to write that one pretty soon.

And to all the other readers, I have something planned out for Hinamori and Inoue and also a little something for Matsumoto but I don't mind taking requests for other characters! So if there's someone who is in desperate need of some excellent guidance don't forget to put their name in the review and me and Gin will try our best to help that person.


	3. Guidance 3

A/N: So this is like a really late update and I apologise but I was suffering from a massive writer's block and this chapter did not come out well at all. _**forever122**_ please forgive me T_T

So a little background on this chapter, Matsumoto is Hitsugaya's guardian and he has been living with her since he was a kid.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Despicable Guidance #3

**Place: **The Guidance Counsellor's Room, Karakura High

**Occupants:** Hitsugaya Toushiro (Class 2-A, Karakura Middle School), Ichimaru Gin (Guidance Counsellor)

**Time: **14:15 PM

There was an unusual sort of comfortable silence enveloping the room. The two occupants barely showed any amount of interest in the other. The counsellor checked the clock hanging on the wall adjacent to him and let out a small sigh. A bored expression donned his face as he fiddled with the paperweight on his desk, trying to keep himself entertained. He glanced at the young teen seated across him. The white haired boy was quietly reading a book. It wasn't a rare occurrence for the middle school student to spend his afternoons with the Karakura High Guidance Counsellor. Ichimaru Gin had been babysitting Histugaya Toshiro for a long time now and over this lengthy period of time both the males had reached a similar conclusion that it was best to not talk at all. Gin's sarcastic remarks had no effect on the boy and Toshiro's constant criticism failed to faze the counsellor.

But today had been a slow day for Gin and he was dying to have some fun.

"_Shiro-chan!_" He exclaimed in a sing-song voice.

The boy's head immediately shot up and he sent a glare towards his babysitter, "Do not call me that." He said quietly.

Gin's ever present smile faltered a bit as he held back the urge to pout at the kid, "That's it? You're no fun today."

"I have a test in two days. Let me study." With that comment, Toshiro went back to his book.

"It's okay to fail a test or two in middle school."

"I told her that I can spend the hour in the library but she insisted that I spend it with you instead."

"That's cuz she thinks you can't take care of yourself."

"I can too."

"Are you kidding? You're not even allowed to ride a roller coaster yet."

This small jab at Toshiro's height problems did not go unnoticed by the boy and Gin had to duck to dodge the flying pencil that was directed towards him, "See that's more like you."

Toshiro snorted as he mimicked the counsellor, "_It's okay to fail a test or two in middle school." _He smirked as he added, "Wait till I tell her you said that to me."

Just for a second, Gin's smile turned into a frown and his face paled a little as he pictured the boy's angry guardian coming at him with a frying pan. He shuddered slightly and Toshiro satisfied with the reaction he had gotten went back to his book. Seeing the little boy look so content, Gin shrugged off the uneasiness and regained his composure as he pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen from his drawer. He cleared his throat a little too loudly, "Hitsugaya-kun, I would request you to answer a few questions regarding your-"

Toshiro let out a loud strangled groan and buried his head in his history textbook. This was not the first time that Gin had used him as a subject in one of his various unsuccessful studies. And he had never enjoyed being the guinea pig.

"Have you been drinking milk regularly?"

Glare.

"Have you been actively participating in sports activities?"

Glare.

"Then I believe the reason you're so short for your age is-" Gin let out a small gasp as he dodged the textbook in the nick of time. It fell behind his chair with a thud. He turned around and picked it up and handed it over to the furious little kid glaring at him. Toshiro snatched the book from his hands and proceeded to drag the chair he was sitting on to the far end of the room. He sat with his back facing the counsellor who looked nothing less than amused and happy.

Gin glanced at the clock again.

14:30.

His grin widened.

-x-

A/N: I know this was like the suckiest chapter ever. I should just go die.

And also if there's someone who is in desperate need of some excellent guidance don't forget to put their name in the review and me and Gin will try our best to help that person.


	4. Guidance 4

**A/N:** The story is on semi-hiatus because my muse returns and then flies away again.

A special thanks to **Chibi Yachiru-chan**, **Kuroiga**, **forever122**, **IchiRukiLover**, **SoulAuron** and **summerrayah** for reviewing the story. Also thanks to everyone who favourited and followed the story!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Bleach. If I did, Ulquiorra would have a sexy ass smile.

Place:The Guidance Counsellor's Room, Karakura High

Occupants: Ulquiorra Cifer (Class 3-C, Head of Discipline Committee), Ichimaru Gin (Guidance Counsellor)

Time:15:42 PM

The pin drop silence in the room was agonizingly deafening for the Guidance Counsellor of Karakura High. A few hours ago he was approached by a student, who wished to keep her identity a secret, for some counselling help. As she sat in his office and talked for ages, while eating her disgusting lunch comprising of some weird looking dessert, he concluded that she definitely needed some help. But alas! She wanted him to talk to one of her friends. And so here he was, sitting in his room with the dullest looking student he had ever laid eyes on.

Counsellor Gin cleared his throat and motioned with his hand for Ulquiorra to start talking.

Ulquiorra simply ignored the motion.

Gin gave him an intense stare, looking straight into the student's eye.

Ulquiorra promptly returned the stare.

Gin threw his hands in the air and gave up.

"Look Ulqui-chan, your friend approached me earlier in the day and she's worried about you. So just tell me what's wrong so I can make up a report for her."

Ulquiorra remained silent for a few minutes before opening his mouth slowly, "Which friend?" He said as quietly and slowly as possible.

"She wishes to stay anonymous." Gin replied.

And once again the silence took its place.

"Are you for real? Don't you have anything to say?" Gin burst out, unable to tolerate the silence.

Ulquiorra shook his head.

"So you're just going to sit there?" Gin asked, bewildered.

Ulquiorra nodded and after a moment added, "_Until_ you excuse me."

And finally, Gin's foxy grin returned, "Well Ulqui-chan, I'm not going to excuse you _unless_ you smile."

The effect was immediate. Ulquiorra's eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise as he said cautiously, "…Smile?"

"Yes. You smile and I'll let you go and tell that girl some made up emotional crap." Gin grinned ferociously.

Ulquiorra broke into a cold sweat.

"Of course, if you want to talk about whatever shitty traumatic experience you had when you were a little brat instead, that's fine too."

Gin swirled around in his chair and laughed at Ulqui-chan discomfort. After all enjoying their misery was a part of his job. And it was because the Counsellor was doing his job so attentively that he missed the Ulquiorra's first strained attempt at a smile. Granted all the kid could manage to do was twitch his mouth, the Counsellor regretted missing the strained look on the student's face.

Gin stopped swirling the moment the second twitch happened, "That's it, Ulqui-chan! Just a little bit more!" He leaned in forward as he cheered the younger male on.

Almost instantly Ulquiorra leaned back and the twitch disappeared.

Gin groaned with disappointment and retreated muttering something about damned pricks who feel conscious around an audience.

And then it happened.

Ulquiorra started sweating profusely and a heavily strained look appeared on his face. His eyebrows were knit together in furious concentration and all his strength was being focused on the lower part of his face. Slowly and steadily his mouth began to move. At first it was only a small twitch like the previous ones but soon enough his lips were curling upwards.

Heavily sweating with a constipated look on his face and with just a little bit of teeth showing, Ulquiorra Cifer finally managed to smile.

And it was the scariest smile Gin had ever seen.

"STOP! DON'T SMILE! GET LOST YOU CREEP! FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY AND ALL THAT IS GOOD NEVER _EVER_ SMILE AGAIN!"

-x-

**A/N:** One free review who can guess the identity of the anonymous girl. C'mon, I've made it pretty obvious already.

And also if there's someone who is in desperate need of some excellent guidance don't forget to put their name in the review and me and Gin will try our best to help that person.


End file.
